A frosty morning

This is a bit after the event, but I wanted to share the images with my overseas readers.

Last Saturday when we woke up, my iPhone weather ap said that it was -13˚C. My dad's car said it was -14.5 - the lowest temperature recorded locally was -16.

Whichever - it was a bit on the chilly side!

This is a cobweb!

The sun did eventually make it through the freezing fog and the landscape was stunningly beautiful, coated in it's white lace. You'll just have to take my word for it on that though - I was driving by then and BB just hasn't worked out how to use the camera yet!

New room

So, thanks to everyone for helping me out with the sleeping plan. Those of you that know me well will be familiar with the fact that it takes me ages to make a decision, but once I have decided that's it. I have no patience and have to act straight away.

So, since I was last here I have single handedly

• moved the stuff from under the bed to the spare room
• dismantled the bed (yes that's right desert dwellers, the room is not actually big enough to turn it around without taking it apart)
• put the bed back together
• moved the stuff from the spare room back under the bed
• dismantled the cot and moved it into the spare room
• moved the 30 loft flooring panels from my room to where the cot used to be
• moved the cot to my room and reassembled it

All whilst entertaining a 7 month old - oh, ok, so Makka Pakka and Iggle Piggle did a little babysitting for a while there - but...

Yes - I do feel like a hero - and totally exhausted.

Here is the new arrangement. As you can see BB is perfectly happy with it for sitting in and playing/posing for photographs - we'll see what happens at bed time!

Meanwhile it's emergency pizza from the freezer for dinner tonight. Well, he's tried his first curry so it's about time he tried pizza, right?

Sleep choices - please help me decide

I know this is likely to start a bun fight - but please help me make this choice...


Do I want to train BB to sleep in a cot, or should I carry on with our current co-sleeping arrangement?


The story so far
From birth to about 4 months, BB slept in a hammock. It was a fabulous little thing that moved around the house with me, hanging over my bed during the night, and in the lounge during the day. He slept soundly, didn't develop plagiocephaly (flat head syndrome) as so many babies do these days, and the gentle bouncing motion helped him to sleep as when he stirred a little, he moved himself. That hammock was definitely one of my best baby purchases to date.


From about 3 months, once BB had grown enough and I had gotten over all the negative talk about co sleeping, he started to sleep in my bed. It's a Queen, with just me, and a safety rail (bought on ebay for £1.99) on his side he is perfectly safe once I am in bed. I love co-sleeping. I was asked about my favourite things about being a mum the other day and laying in bed sleeping with BB is so up there. I am so glad I finally found the courage to co-sleep, despite the 'warnings'. BB has never had a problem sleeping at night, waking only for a feed and then straight back to sleep. I have never had to get up to him, or get out of bed to feed him, so I too have slept well. I really do feel like I know him so much better through sleeping with him, and that I am so much closer to him as a result. Without a doubt, I regard co-sleeping (up to this point) as one of my best parenting decision for both BB and I.


The trouble was, at about 4 months, he grew too big for the hammock. I had a small crisis regarding day time sleeps for a while (night was of course fine). I tried putting him down in his cot but he screamed and screamed. After several attempts I gave in. Then we were given a fabulous bouncer in which he was able nap - that has solved our problem up to now as he could happily sleep in that until I went to bed - but now that he is getting bigger he's not comfortable in it for so long...


Now
For the last few nights, after a bath and a story, I feed BB and put him to sleep at 7pm in my bed. I am slightly nervous as he is now mobile and could technically fall out or get tangled in the covers, but he goes to sleep happily. I have started reducing the night feeds too. Despite being told by the health workers that it would be impossible to night wean him whilst he was in my bed, (yes, there was challenge I had I take on!) I thought I would give it a try. So, in the last 10 days he has gone from feeding every 2 hours, to feeding only twice. I put him to bed a 7pm, and feed him at midnight and 7 am, and he sleeps until about 8.30 or 9am. In a few more days I will try and cut out the midnight feed too. 


For people interested in trying the same, I did it by just not feeding him. He woke up wanting a feed, I told him he couldn't have it - he cried a bit, but nothing like the screaming you get when you try to put him in a cot. The first night I did cuddle him a bit and then put him down again, but since then I have just left him. He does have a grizzle and wriggle, but he soon falls back to sleep again. I have been consistent and never given in to crying with a feed, though I have occasionally soothed him by talking gently, or singing quietly, holding his had and rubbing his back. 


So, in summary:

• We both get a good night's sleep
• I am single, so don't have to worry about a partner feeling left out
• I am proving that you can co-sleep and night wean
• I don't have to get up to him
• It makes him really portable, we can sleep at other folks' houses, no need for a travel cot
• I love co-sleeping
• Really, for my own sake, I'd  like to carry on as we are

The future???

However, despite all this, I am currently considering putting us both through a considerable amount of trauma, and using controlled comforting (yes that's right, another name for controlled crying, but it sounds so much better doesn't it? This is one of the least harsh variants) to get BB sleeping in a cot. 

Why would I be considering such a thing when we are both so happy as we are? Well, I am wondering if it would be better for him in the long run. 

Firstly, I am afraid he may fall out of my bed in the time between 7 pm and when I go to bed, and the time between when I wake up and when he wakes up. He moves around a lot. He does have a safety rail on his side, and I do stuff pillows on my side, but, well, it's not ideal is it. Alternatives would be for him to stay with me downstairs or for me to go to bed at 7. Neither is practical. I want to establish a healthy bedtime routine, and I want him to get enough sleep. He is totally ready for bed at 7. I'm not. 

Also, he is not good at putting himself to sleep. I'd really like him to develop that skill, for his own sake, but also for mine. At the moment he gets sleepy when breastfeeding - and that wont happen forever. I guess he is getting some practice at that now, when he wakes in the night and doesn't get fed, and so he might learn. I read that is good to read him his story after his feed to help him to develop this skill - I tried that for the first time tonight - he slept through it!  I don't want to be having to lie with him while he falls asleep for the next 6 years! And, if I am lucky enough to have baby 2, as a single mum that just wouldn't be practical.

I have heard of many cases where the parents just wait for the child to decide themselves when they are ready for their own bed. That sounds great, I'd love to do that, but there is no guarantee that my child would be one to decide early... what if I do have baby 2 and he hasn't made that choice by then - then that's yet another thing to have a huge impact on him when the baby comes as he would be displaced from my bed at that point - poor honey - I'd like to prevent that from happening.

I also want him to have somewhere to sleep safely during the day, for naps. As he is getting bigger, the bouncer isn't comfortable for so long, and he will eventually out grow it.

I have read that the sooner you do this 'sleep training' thing, the better. It would be very hard if he was able to stand up/walk/get out of bed etc. It may also be harder for him, having had longer at my side.

I'd miss him so much if he went to a cot.  I feel I'd miss out on half of his life! But am I being selfish? Is it better for him to go? 


It's such a hard choice!

So, should I do it? Or should we stay as we are?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences to help me make this choice

Big changes

In the last two weeks BB has

• tasted his first foods
• cut two teeth   and
• refined the art of rolling over, and over, and over

Already I am looking back fondly to the days when I put him down and he stayed put. Now he can move quite quickly, making showering, cooking and feeding the chooks all a little more challenging than they used to be.

It is delightful though - and he is so pleased with himself. He can roll and he can turn around, so he can get almost anywhere. I am loving the way he turns his head toward me after rolling to a new spot, and smiles "look at me Mummy". He is almost crawling too. I am guessing he will be giving me a hand to work off the last few pregnancy kilos very soon.

As a result of this rapid development in moving ability, I have spent the last couple of days 'baby proofing' the house - ground level stuff is almost done now, no doubt there will be more to do at every stage. Also, as he is still a spewy boy, I have spent quite a lot of time following him around with a cloth and some carpet cleaner! I think I may soon have to accept the fact that I am not going to have clean carpets for a while.

Feeding is going fairly well. Having said all along that I was going to follow  baby led weaning, I chickened out just as we were about to start, and made puree. The reasons for the sudden change were my dad, who scared me by saying that if he were to choke I would struggle to save him on my own, and paranoia from things I read about iron levels diminishing. 

So, I thought we would start with puree and then get more adventurous, once he had learned that food goes in your mouth. He is liking puree, well, as much as you can expect. Some goes in, and some even gets swallowed - he gets quite excited about a spoonful of food. He has a definite preference for home made over bought food, butternut squash with apple is his favourite. 

Less than a week in I was drawn back to the BLW idea. It just seems so natural. For weeks now I have been feeling the urge to share my food with BB. He has been looking longingly as I eat, and I just want to give him some. So, for reassurance, I ordered the book and started to read.

I am beginning gently - just one food at a time, which I know isn't the idea but I'll get there. On monday we had broccoli, recommended as it has a 'built in handle', though of course he held it by the other end! Three florets in turn were touched, squished and mashed into the table. It was fabulous to watch him explore this strange object. It even made it to his mouth a few times. He didn't choke, and it is possible that some iron may have passed his lips so I was left feeling a little more confident.

The next day, banana. Working well until my dad stopped by and reminded me not to choke my child - so I mashed the rest. 

This morning we had a long slow breakfast of porridge and peach. I like the idea of us both eating the same thing - it makes for a shared experience at meal times and I think will set the scene for some good eating habits in the future. It was fun - it also took ages. We are back to the two hours to get out of the door state that we were in when he was new born - but we can factor that in to our schedule. It will also make me think about what I eat - I want to model good eating to my son, and ensure a healthy balanced diet, so I'll have to eat well too. More help with my kilos. 

I have some purees in the freezer that I don't want to waste so I am I intend to try and use them - maybe when we're out - or if I am ill prepared, but I think I already know which way of eating we'll both favour.

The excitement I felt when I saw some teeny little fronds of broccoli in his nappy was encouraging too - if a little disturbing - this is what my life has become [chuckle].

Finally the teeth - they both popped through last week, the first on Tuesday, and the second on Friday. I have to say I have become a total advocate of the amber teething necklaces. BB was given a necklace at birth, and though I know they are made with the safety of babies in mind I just couldn't put it around his neck. Fortunately though it fits perfectly doubled up around his ankle and so has worn it for the last two or three months.  I did think that the nights where we forgot to put it back on after his bath were more restless than the ones where he wore it, but I couldn't be sure. Now though I am certain - he was wearing it for the first tooth and he didn't show any signs of being in pain at all. However, he resisted having the necklace put on after his bath that night so I left it off - 3 days later I had a grumpy screaming child, which was very out of character - then I noticed his second tooth halfway though the gum. The necklace went back on, and peace was restored and the tooth was fully through in a couple of hours. I'll be certain to keep on in the future.

The final thing for this post is about me. You may remember me getting the "You are officially OLD" letter from my GP. Well - I went for the medical last week and fortunately they found me to be at low risk for everything which is fab. Even better was that I mentioned the fact that I want to shift the last few kilos of my pregnancy weight and was offered a personal health trainer. I met with her yesterday for the first time - I get 6 appointments over 6 months. I LOVE the NHS, especially since living overseas - this is a great service. My goal is to lose 10kg in that time by increasing my exercise - seeing as I have BB what I can do is a bit limited - but you might see me power walking with the pram, and behind closed doors I will be stair climbing and doing aerobic workouts on my Wii. I am due for my second appointment at the end of Feb, but which time I need to have shed 2.5kg. 

So, off to buy some supportive good quality walking shoes at the weekend, and I'll keep you posted!

A VERY Blissful Life

I am so incredibly happy at the moment. I feel like I have the perfect life. BB is a very happy and sociable  baby who is just delightful to interact with. The house is in order and everything is at least as well organised as it was before baby. I'm not working.

Our days consist of getting up, doing the washing and other chores such as feeding the chooks, baking, a little housework - and then we play. We go for walks, we swim, we sing. BB is so fascinated by everything, hours pass as I observe things closely that I normally wouldn't give a second glance - the world really is amazing when you take the time to see.

He has reached a few of life's major milestones. He can bounce himself like a crazy thing in his bouncer , he coos and gurgles, he's rolling and trying to crawl (he can move backwards but hasn't mastered the forward thing yet which causes a great deal of frustration).

Today we started the weaning process with some mango puree

Mmm - what's this?

Wooo hooo! That's a taste sensation!

I'll happily have more of that!

Let me try and do it myself

Oooh - you can do finger painting with it too!

As you can see, the food was well received. He has been ready for a while now, grabbing at our plates and watching closely every time we put things to our mouths. We held him off though, partly to make travelling easier on our recent trip to Australia, but also, having read that early weaning and lead to obesity in adulthood, we thought it a good idea to wait - he is a big boy already, having just passed the 10kg mark.

Weaning has lead to an interesting mix of emotions for me. As I mentioned above, I am in a very good place mentally at the moment, as blissful as can be. I am excited that my little boy has reached this milestone. At the same time I am a bit sad - I am proud that I have 'grown him' to 10 kg all by my self, and I guess in a way I am mourning the fact that he will no longer be 100% grown by me!

He is still 100% gorgeous though!

Goals for 2012

So here we are in 2012. Didn't that roll around quick! (or is it just my advanced age that makes time fly these days?)

Here are a few things I am going to try and achieve this year.

Weight Loss and Improved Fitness
Yes, that old cookie! I wonder what percentage of the "Western" population have that on their list! Seriously though, I promised myself that I would get back to my pre pregnancy weight by the time BB was 1. Suddenly, as we go into 2012 and he nears the 6 month mark, time seems to be running out. I have been steadily losing the 28kg that I gained during pregnancy with out much effort at all. In fact 19kg has gone already, but over Christmas, as we travelled and ate our way around Australia, I actually gained 0.3Kg. I think I could be at the point where I have to start trying!


So, to get it out there... my weight today is 80.7kg. My pre pregnancy weight was 72kg, though the weight I like to be, and that suits me most is about 69.

How am I going to do it?

Well, I will monitor what I eat using the WeightWatchers online software, and I will try and go to meetings once a week as the leader is inspiring and I think it helps to remind me and keep me focused.

I will get back into walking. Before our holiday BB and I were walking into town two or three times a week. The Map My Walk app tells me that we usually do about 7km by the time we have done our shopping too. Getting out at this time of year is also vital for my mental health. I need some light or I go crazy!

Swimming. Every two weeks, when DD comes to stay, I will go to the early morning swim on a Sunday. I love swimming, but obviously this is hard to do with a baby. It will be nice way for DD to have some time alone with BB too.

As it is impossible to get out for a run, or go to a gym, I will have to exercise at home (this also works in well with the austerity measures - see below). I have asked for a pilates DVD for Blissmas, and I just invested in Wii Fit. I set it up last night. It tells me that I am overweight and need to lose 1st and 7lb to have a healthy BMI. Despite that, and the fact that with my dodgy back and sore feet I hobble around like a 90 year old sometimes, Wii says that my Wii fit age is 35! I was quite impressed with that. Hopefully I will be able to achieve between 20 and 30 mins exercise at home each day...

Reading and Writing
They may sound like ridiculous goals, to read and to write, but I struggle with both at the moment. I have read a couple of magazines, in short bursts, usually when I am feeding in bed, but I really find it tricky to read anything of length. There are a few books that I must read. In the next week I need to get up to speed on weaning, as BB starts solids next weekend, I also want to read parenting books, Raising Boys and Unconditional Parenting as a start, and I want to set myself a challenge to read one novel during the year.

The idea of trying to make some money from writing has come up several times. Writing what I am not sure, but there are several things... Thing is, I am out of practice in all styles of writing. I am going to try and write more, catching up on the posts I promised for this blog, writing more about what BB gets up to, about being a choice mum, activities with kids, maybe even some 'work' stuff. My goal - at least one blog post a week.

Austerity Measures
I think I have decided not to go back to work. As you may have seen in an earlier post (A working Experiment) I won't be any better off through working part time (calculated after paying childcare and other expenses such a fuel to get to work and union subs) and I really don't want to go full time. I became a mum because I wanted the life of a mum. I would love to stay home full time, to watch BB grow and change, be there for all the milestones, and create fun activities for us to do together. So I am thinking that I will stay home for as long as possible. I have a small amount of savings and will be entitled to some benefits but it will mean big changes for me. I have been used to spending what I want, when I want, for the last 10 years or so. Now, after paying all the direct debits for things like water, gas, electricity, internet, phone I will have about £70 a week left for everything else (food, clothes, BB's activites, petrol etc.). It wont be easy, but I will do my best to stick to budget so that we can be together for as long as possible.

Baby Two?
And a final goal, for the end of the year will be to start trying for baby two. That seems so soon, but I would love baby two, and a two year age gap seems about right.

I'll keep you posted on my progress in all areas!

Taking a look at our lives

So, I didn't post every day.

On Tuesday, having spent Friday at home getting read for DD's visit, the weekend home as he was here, and Monday home as it was foggy and our lunch date cancelled, both BB and I were slightly crazy with cabin fever.

Every day when BB and I come down stairs, I open the curtains and we greet the day. I am always careful not to express any value judgements at the weather, and use the same voice to greet the rain as I do the sun, but on Tuesday I couldn't manage this. Rain, rain - hideous, horrible, miserable, grumpy, isolating rain! No walks for us then. No fresh air, no exercise, no chance to see something different! And here was me considering the idea of working from home. We obviously need to be sure we are not home too much.

About 20 miles away from here there is a large indoor shopping centre, with some lovely Christmas lights up, you can walk in the dry, drink coffee... We called up Grandma and Gramps and set off for our little outing.

On Wednesday a mini disatser occurred - BB popped the poppers on his hammock! I have known for a while now that his time in it was coming to an end as he is getting too big, and has almost worked out how to grab the sides and pull himself up. This means he needs a new place to have day time naps. He has a cot, a place that he goes to several times daily, afer every nappy change for example as it is a safe place to plonk him while I wash my hands, find clean clothes etc. However, I have been trying to get him to sleep in there for a couple of weeks now, but to no avail. So since wednesday we have been searching for a new sleep solution. We didn't find it yet.

We did a couple of long journeys in the car at the weekend and they were great - an hour and half sleep each day, but still we have no solution for the house. We have tried the cot again, my bed, where he sleeps at night, his bouncer, a cosy little corner with his blanket and a cuddly toy on the sofa, but no. I nurse him to sleep but as soon as I put him down he wakes. I have carried him around in the sling but he is now way too curious about all the things I am doing to sleep.

No sleep means a grumpy baby who needs constant attention. Therefore I have done even less than usual. Trying to package up and send the few clothes that I sold on ebay was a huge challenge. Today I have been tryng to research something on the internet for a friend which was equally difficult. Hopefully we'll get a breakthrough soon. I am sitting on the bed typing this and he is laying next to me. He keeps dropping off. I am hoping he learns to put himself to sleep soon.

These things combined have made me realise that working from home will be hard for two reasons. One, we may go mad, and two, I just don't have the time!

P.S. It took 4 days to write this!

Your age is a danger to your health!

Somewhat ironically after blogging yesterday about my grey hair reversing, I received a letter this morning from my GP. It goes something like this...

Dear Me!

We would like to invite you for a HEALTH CHECK. 

This is beacuse you are now in an AGE RANGE that puts you at INCREASED RISK of VASCULAR DISEASE

You can find out about services that SUPPORT YOU in your CHANGE FOR LIFE...

Once we have your results back we will calculate your RISK SCORE

Actions will include a discussion of your lifestyle and appropriate TREATMENT

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I officially feel old!

Grey Hair Reversal

So, it's now more than 6 weeks since I had my hair dyed, yet on looking in the mirror I see that the usual grey line at the roots is not there... there are some greys of course, but nowhere near as many as usual. I asked my sister to check, just in case (since turning 40 a couple of weeks ago) my eyesight is failing me. She agreed - considerably less grey!

What is going on?

Of course - I googled it!

Can grey hair turn be reversed?

It seems that it can be. Stopping smoking and drinking, taking folic acid (since before I was pregnant), and brewers yeast (in the lactation cookies I ate in BB's early days) are apparently all things that can help reverse grey hair!

Maybe I wont be the white haired mum at the school gate after all!

A Working Experiment

So, BB is 4 months old now and it's time I started thinking about going back to work...

Do I want to?

Well, maybe, a little bit. It could be nice to have some stimulation and challenges other than those of keeping on top of the washing, cleaning, cooking, playtime and nappies. But at the same time I don't want to miss out on any time with my little guy. I had a baby because I wanted to be a mum - not because I wanted someone else to take care of him. Plus, I have spoken to a couple of childminders - nice and well meaning I have no doubt, but they do have different ideas to me...

There's also the guilt. I'd feel guilty if I worked. Unfortunately this is a double edged sword as I would also feel guilty if I didn't. Despite paying in to the UK benefit system, even during the 10 years I lived overseas, it somehow feels wrong to live off the state. Then at the same time the logical part of my brain says that it is OK - it wont be forever, just while BB is little. Once he starts school I am determined that I will model being a working mum, but in the meantime, being a mum who is at home caring for her little one is more important to me.

So what are my options? Firstly I have been offered 0.4 of a full time role at my old work until July only. Not my old job, but a job at least. They did point out that this 0.4 of full time did not mean 2 days though - it could even be spread over 5 days. I think the truth is that they don't really want me back so they are making the offer unattractive. Reality is that the funding for my role disappeared in the government 'austerity measures' . They have failed to return my calls about it since June! Do I want to work there in these circumstances? Possibly not! But I did enjoy my work before, and I had some nice colleagues, I could talk about stuff other than poop and puke! If I did this job, by the time I paid childcare and lost some benefits, I would be slightly worse off than if I didn't work at all!

Another alternative would be to work from home doing a similar thing (helping year 11 students get their maths GCSE). I could have a babysitter take care of Arthur at home and students could come here. In reality though, between school finishing and then getting Arthur's tea and bath time, I could probably only see one student a day. If I did this I would be WORSE off.

So, as trying to work out how I feel about this wasn't helping me to decide - how about a more logical, practical, financial look at the situation.

In summary it looks like this

A - do no work
B - A little work (tutoring from home)
C - A little more work (go back to my old work place)
? - If only I knew what this was!

It seems that neither B nor C make financial or practical sense. There would be nothing financially gained for sacrificing my time, away from BB. So, I either do nothing, or I have to do MORE work or different, more FRUITFUL work to be better off.

In reality I don't think more work is a good option. Already it is a challenge to fit everything in, by everything that is all the household chores, plus a weekly swim class for BB, a post natal pilates class for me whilst BB enjoys a lovely creche, a visit to nana, and we try to squeeze in some form of mum and baby meet up once a week. Just this week we missed the pilates as we had to get ready for DD to come for the weekend. More work would mean missing more things, not good for BB (or me for that matter).

So, can I work smarter? Is there something else I could do? An internet business perhaps, that I do in the free moments, while BB plays or sleeps. I am exploring ideas... and I welcome yours!!!

Meantime, I am going to try and find out just how much time I have. Hence the "Working Experiment". I am going to see how much I could achieve online in a week. I am aiming for at least one blog post a day, and some items sold on ebay, and my business ideas written up, and some research done on importing goods from Oz, selling herbal remedies, online selling, drop shipping, how to make money on ebay...

We'll see how we go.

To start with, this post was started about 4 and a half hours ago, but I have fed, played with and bathed BB in that time too... I didn't manage to feed myself properly thought - I just munched on cheese and bickies - so off to get some real food!